


Country Boy

by ThereminVox



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 15:30:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15584985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereminVox/pseuds/ThereminVox
Summary: Just a younger sibling doing what younger siblings do best.





	Country Boy

“You’re from Georgia, right? No, Atlanta doesn’t count.”

 

John looks up from his ‘Atlas of Human Anatomy and Surgery’, peering over his reading glasses to give the girl, curled up opposite him via the couch, a needled glance.

 

“ _Yes_. I’m from Georgia.”

 

At that, his gaze returns to the morbid illustrations depicting 18th century anatomical artistry.

 

“How come you don’t have an accent? That drawl is pretty sexy, if you ask me. And that voice would probably be deeper if you didn’t favour this snooty alternative.”

 

“If my voice is bothering you Rachel, then by all means, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

 

“Well, nice to know you haven’t abandoned that Southern charm in euphemisms. And anyways, you’re the one who invited me.”

 

The man in question inhales deeply before deigning to close the hulking book with a resounding thud, setting it off to the side and exhaling loudly as he removes his specs to settle on the coffee table before him, ultimately aiming to rise and turn towards the source of his distraction, arms folding in a vain attempt at _brotherly_ discipline.

 

“I did not _invite_ you anywhere. You’ve taken it upon yourself to be an obnoxious college roommate.”

 

“ _Someone_ has to keep this place company while you’re off about conducting your murders and executions. Especially since your little crush still hasn’t come to evict you.”

 

“My _what_?”

 

“ _Oh John_ , anyone with decent intuition in this bumfuck county can see how much you have the hots for that _lawless_ rookie. Which reminds me. Whatever happened to that Holly chick?”

 

“ _Get_. _Out._ ”, he seethes and stresses each syllable while raising his right arm, index finger erect as he points to the open double doors.

 

“You need to get laid, honestly. Also, would it kill you to at least _appreciate_ my decorations. I’ve only given your deer skull a bliss flower crown to balance out this _drab_ collection of stuffed animals and you couldn’t even let that alone.”

 

She’s manoeuvred around the couch and skips towards the entrance but not without taking a quick visit at the coat rack guarded by a taxidermied bear. She reaches out and swiftly grabs the lone cowboy hat in the centre, flipping in Bonanza fashion, before allowing it to find a home atop her (dirty blonde?) (light brunette?) head.

 

“You’re not taking my hat.”

 

“Well, which is it gonna be, Mr. Sugar Daddy?! At least the hat is _meant_ to be on that pretty little head. Don’t tell me you even _sleep_ with those shades on. Besides, I’m actually thinking about giving it to the Dep and saying it’s a gift from their  _secret admirer_.”

 

“You’ve been consorting with Drubman, I see.”

 

“Honey, I don’t need to hang around a 66 year old, albeit respectfully horny, woman to acknowledge this mutual pining thing you two got going. Forget Joseph! If it were up to me, I’d see sin as a work of art.”

 

John lowers his head in disbelief, squeezing his eyes shut while pinching the bridge of his nose and revelling a moment in the faint pulse of dwindling patience throbbing at his temple.

 

“How do I know you’re not a hallucination?”

 

_“John…, who are you talking to?”_

 

He almost gives himself whiplash at the sudden change in voice, body twirling a full 360 as he tried to identify the source. A belated din of static filled his ears before familiar vibrations settled against his hip.

 

_“Are you there?”_

 

John sighs in relief and slides his hand over the radio, fingers fitting to the grooves before responding in kind.

 

“Yes, Deputy. I’m here.”

 

_“Not sure why but I crashed at the 8-Bit Pizza the other night and woke up the next morning to find this cowboy hat lying on the porch. Don’t know why I’m calling you about it but apparently Faith stopped by and asked Adelaide to send a message to me from a secret admirer? I’ve only been to your house once but I’m pretty sure the only person who would own a $5000 Stetson Diamante... is you.”_

 

 

Oh, if these walls could talk.

 

 

_“See ya ‘round, country boy~.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Could’ve sworn the lyrics to ‘Oh John’ referred to him as “Our country man” but oh well. Doesn’t make him owning a cowboy hat any less adorable.


End file.
